Sun, 04/04/2010 - 03:54
I have this hideous mood disorder known as Bipolar. The particular type I have is considered rapid cycling since it goes highs to lows pretty much on a constant biases. I have not had a manic or depressive episode in over a year… until today. I’ve been on meds and tried some sub consciences restructuring and it seemed to work out well. My wife is in the service and she was deployed in February. I’ve held up well being able to talk to her daily through the use of the internet but today I was floored by news that I will not be able to communicate with my wife on a daily bases as I’ve been doing. This information hurts me because she is my lifeline so to speak. Being bipolar I don’t let many people in. I don’t feel deeply for many people. I reserve my love for those I deem worthy. All my love has been focused on my wife and my children for the past year. I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. Today I’m feeling lost and helpless.
My wife knows of my disorder but I don’t think she fully grasp the concept of it. As I type this I feel as if I’m suffocating and the world is closing in on me. I feel such rage and I feel such sorrow all at the same time. Tears have found their way to my eyes as I struggle to hold them back. I am weak… I am living with bipolar.
I want to cry out for help but I have no one to cry to. I can’t see a doctor about it or I’ll lose my job since I’m in the service as well. What do I do? Who do I turn to? I can no longer fight the tears… I can no longer write to cyberspace.
Hi SC,
Sorry you are hurting but you are taking the right step asking for help. There are forums like this available. I personally have not used others besides this one but I have come across them while searching the internet. Also, you can try www.dbsalliance.org which offers free support groups. I believe if you search bipolar support groups you will find both live and online programs. You can also call your local psychiatric hospital. There is one close to me that offers a free weekly support group. Please get to one. Soon. You must get your feelings out. Please take it from me.
I have been to the lowest of lows. My wife and best friend in the world is divorcing me because of my bipolar rage and doing really stupid things. My children are very unhapy with me because they see the hurt I caused. I had the world and I destroyed it all. She could not take any more and I don't blame her. She has the right to live happily ever after.
I learned, unfortunately too late, that this disease has to be treated properly. Meds, therapy, excercise and sleep. When you are feeling rage you MUST control it. Go for a walk, bike ride, listen to music. I excercise to music or watch music DVD's (the Eagles and Fleetwood Mac are my favorites). Don't worry about crying. You are not weak. I cry almost every day. It helps me to get it out.
You must educate yourself and your wife about bipolar disorder. You must show her that you are committed to beating the illness and you are committed to her and your marriage. Can you see a private marriage counselor? That may be a way around the service problem.
It's late. In closing. Get help and God bless!
SoxFan